Im at strip club and am horny
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
