I am in a vortex of obligation.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
