Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
