we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
