Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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