You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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