Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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