Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
