Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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