um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
