she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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