Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
