Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
