I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
