is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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