this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
