I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Vodka?
Forever.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
