Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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