Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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