I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
