Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
