Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
