"it" just moved
You work out of a Hotel?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
