I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
