so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
