just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
