Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
