I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
