Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so let's talk penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
