i can't believe i had my finger in that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
