Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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