You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
