he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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