His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
