dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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