thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
