Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
