Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
