why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
