I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
there's paper in my vomit.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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