In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
