Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
