Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
