I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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