Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
