If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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