What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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