you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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