Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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