Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
