I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
