Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
