my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
