ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
